Well, so Ive now been in Nashville, or Franklin rather, for a month! Seems like its been a lifetime already. My life in Chattanooga seems so far away now like a dream. Not sure why that is. I guess because so many changes happen there in such a short amount of time. Sometimes I feel like a failure because I moved back home, when I say home I mean Nashville... not home with my parents. Like somehow I couldnt cut it in Chattanooga. Even though I know that is not the case, I just wasn't where I felt I needed to be I guess. That happened when I went to Harding. I have these thoughts that I need to get out, be on my own, and away from my parents or something. The funny thing is, I always come back. What I did learn from my experience is I can survive on my own. I can be 2 hours away from all family, know only a handful of people, get a job, find a church home, pay bills, and go to grad school. I couldnt do it without God's help of course or the support of my family. I do feel somewhat accomplished.

I do miss Tech and all the good times I had there. Tech resembles simple times, good memories, lots of spiritual growth, a lot of firsts, real friends, fun times, and an experience never to be forgotten. That's all apart of life though. People come and go, you move, you meet new people, you grow up, life happens and with that it means changes must come. Not always easy, but managable with God's help.

I know that I will continue to grow and change in many ways. I am glad to be close to family and thankful for a good job and a steady paycheck plus benefits. I am thankful for all the experiences and people who contributed to the person I am today. I hope I am able to touch others as those in my life have. I pray for the best and will never lose hope.

you try to let go... but you can't

you think you don't care... but you do

you try to fool yourself... but you know it's a lie

you know what you want... but you can't have it

you know how you feel... but you can't share it

you just gotta move on.

Bones

I have a bone to pick with the world....

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!

I know sometimes I have unrealistic expectations, but seriously, what are ya doing? I tend to see the best in people and see them for what they could be based off what they've shown to me, so I know it is in them. The thing is, it's like these people dont see it themselves. They continue to choose to act less than they truly are. They give in to worldly things, they are double-minded, they refuse to grow up, they hear and believe but they don't act, and they are just plain old lazy and don't wanna do what's hard and what might truly test them. I know it is not easy... but try! Why do people say one thing, and do another. Or portray one image only to really be living the life of another. You cannot be a true Christian and participate in worldly activities... how is that being a follower of God... ummm its NOT! You can't have your cake AND eat it too! Sorry, it just doesn't work that way. You have got to make a committment and stand/stick to it. Oh sorry to the male readers out there, I know committment is something hard for you guys to grasp, but grow up and be the MAN God meant for you to be. Sure it is hard, you have to lead... and Im sorry that is your burden to bear, but be a MAN and bear it... God is there to help.. and He also graciously gave you a helper... WOMAN!

I am sick of seeing my friends say/act one way(especially around me) and then go off and drink, party, go places they shouldn't, say inappropriate things, not make an effort to go to church, and just really do whatever they please whenever they want. IM SICK OF IT! You are lying to yourself... you think you are fooling me and God??? HA thats a load of poo! Who you are in the dark is who you really are! What are you doing when you think no one is looking? You know I will accept everyone... I always have... but I just don't understand why people and unfortunately close friends think they can be one way around me and then think I dont really know who you are (sorry technology has given us myspace and facebook - and people post pics and gossip). You should never give anyone a reason to doubt where you allegiance lies!!!!! Please just be honest with me and yourself. I would much rather be a friend to someone who can be who they are all the time even if who you are is not a follower of God... rather than one who is pretending to be a follower of God. I have a good mind to not talk to you people anymore... wow wouldn't that narrow down my friends. Im not perfect and I dont pretend to be.. I struggle with things.. mostly inwardly rather than outwardly.. but Im not gonna lie about it. I am a sinner just like everyone else Im not gonna hide it, but I will not let it take over. I believe we must constantly be taking steps to growing closer to God... cant do that in a bar... or surrounding yourself with provacative and sexual media.

Oh goodness I am preaching now, but I cant help it... my eyes were open to see several of my close friends differently... and I am left wondering if there really are true Christians out there. Do people still hold true to their standards anymore?? Or will we all gradually just throw them out the door? Man what will the world look like in 5 to 10 years... Im afraid. I am just thankful this world is not my home...

life is hard.. so get a helmet!

First of all, everyone should check out my sis's blog to see way cool pics from vacation and the top 9 most funny moments from our vaca.. haha sooo funny!

Secondly, life is hard... so many decisions and choices. So many people that come and go throughout your life. So many memories that are constantly being forgotten, remembered, and made. So many trials and uncertainties confusing the path you thought you were on. So many lessons to be learned. So many people you wish you could save. So much time lost and many opportunities missed. Looking at things in this light makes me glad this world is not our permanent home or all that there is for us. Im not sure when or how it happened, but I have discovered I have some very cynical thoughts rolling around my head these days. I am working on it!

I have officially made some very hard decisions about my future this weekend. Though I am very excited about them and the possibilities that this new challenge will bring, I am also very sad to see things I have cared about slip away. Sometimes I just don't understand this life and the people in it.

So, anyway I am officially working towards being a registered Art Therapist.. woo! New job, new apartment, new roomy, new city, new everything! I pray God is there every step of the way.

what to do...

Last year I found an accredited online Graduate program for Art Therapy. I kind of put in the back-burner of my mind, but recently I have found myself wondering if I am taking the right direction with my career. Becoming an LPC is still something I would like to do, but I have always wanted to be an Art Therapist. Art is something I truly enjoy, and I believe I am good at it. Why not use my talent to help people. I stopped doing it as an undergrad because the art projects were so instense every week that art became work and not fun anymore. As a graduate student it is not about doing the art project yourself, but being able to assess and help other use those medias therapeutically. Very interesting dont you think? The best part about this program is it is online, specifically designed for those who don't have an accredited institution for art therapy nearby or those who can't take extended time off for school. Perfect! It is a 48 hour program instead of 60 and after I graduate I will need 1500 paid supervised hours of direct client counseling and then I can take an exam and be a certified art therapist or an ATR-CB. Then I can do private practice, contract with hospitals or schools, the sky is the limit. The money is not bad either. Something to think about for sure! But how to I decide. It is risky!

Also, my mom's flip house is for sale and I we have ran the numbers and I can actually buy her house. It is such a cute house and perfect for a started home. I am seriously tempted to buy it. Why throw away my money when I can invest it. Again risky.

The question is, do I want to transfer schools and/or move towns? I have been here before and my answer then was yes, and it was the best decision I have made yet. Now I feel as though I am placed in a similar situation. But this time, living where I am is not that bad. My school is excellent, and my job is decent and my apt is awesome. My family is not there which is really hard. My best friend will be leaving in Dec for nursing school in Nashville most likely. So then I think, what does Chatt have that Nashville doesnt? Lookout mt and the aquarium? haha. Oh decisions... I am not prepared to make any decisions yet that is for sure, I continue to pray God leads me in the direction HE wants me to go. Are these desires in my heart for a reason, or are they just distractions? Only time will tell I guess.....

For now, Chattanooga is where I am meant to be. I am very blessed for what God has given me and am thankful for all the friends I have here. If there is one thing I have learned and taken to heart through my job, having supports whether it be family or close friends is incredibly important for one's individual well-being. Seriously. Everyone needs support in some for or fashion, and I feel for those who do no have supports. Christians are the ones specifically that should take care of that. Why else would be be called to take care of the widows and the orphans.. they do not have family supports! duh!

Oh I could go on forever.... I need to go to bed.. I have a really long day ahead of me. bleh!

time marches on

Well... here I am several months down the road finally updating. Changes are happening daily. Im experiencing new things all the time. Some are good and some I could do without. ha. I am officially an inhabitant of Chattanooga, TN. It is funny, when I was little I remember thinking how could anyone live here, it is so dirty. Now I live here. I said the same thing about Tech too. I never wanted to go there because it was "techy" and nerdy. Now Im a TTU Alum. I guess I should just stop saying Im not going to do something because as it turns out I probably will.

I don't have anything profound to say really, just updating I guess. My job is going well. I have days where it's ok and others when I could quit on the stop. I guess that is true with most any job. School is hard, but I enjoy what I am studying. I wish my job wasn't so demanding so I could put more effort towards it. I recently went to a Franklin Covey training in Knoxville to help with planning and time management so maybe I can apply what I learned to my life and have more time for my studies. ha.

Many lessons have been learned in the past few months. I am rediscovering many things. I have been going through a couple devotional books to enhance my spiritual growth. I really love daily devotional books. I can't wait to do them with my husband someday. Continuous self-discovery is so important. It allows us to examine who we are, where we've been, and who we want to become. Not being stagnet is key. It takes discipline and will. It is not easy to make changes in your life and stick to them day in and day out. Life happens. Not giving up and continually striving to become the person you desire to be will be a journey undescribable and worthwhile. God is truly AWEsome. I know I forget that often. No matter what happens He is there even when everyone on earth fails us (which they will because we are human and make mistakes).

I don't know what I'm trying to say, haha. I'm sure I could ramble on, but I wont. I had a good visit with my aunt the other day after my training, and if there is one thing that I have learn in the past year is family is so important. Don't take them for granted, because they are the ones that stand by you and are there for you. I'll end on that note.......