Bittersweeeet

Wow, so I havent updated in forever.. whoops!

Well, despite everything this semester(which I could write a book on) life is going well. I am getting ready to graduate, Lord willing I pass all my classes, and then Im headed to UTC for grad school in the Community Counseling program. How exciting! And so scary! I just signed the Lease to my new apartment in Chattanooga. Which was a pretty scary thing. Its right next to the mall and everything I could need, as well as a church I think I might like to attend. Oh, and I got my key and pool pass. Haha. Yeah I think I have made the right decision. In my heart I think I knew it was where I wanted/would end up, but my rationalizing and over analytical side had to make sure that I was make the decision for the right reasons and was what God wanted for me as well. So many things have fallen into place since my first leap towards chattanooga. I had received any call backs from any companies about jobs until the day after I put a down-payment on an apartment. Coiencidence? I have no idea...

I have had one bad job interviewing experience, but I have another one with Youth Villages tomorrow so I am hoping that it goes much better. I really hope I get the job with YV because it would be great experience, with a decent pay for my education/experience background, and really good benefits.. like paying for grad school tuition! How can I go wrong?! Lord willing things will go well tomorrow!

Things with family and friends are going well. Everyday in a new day and I am just taking things one day at a time! I have recently gotten back into painting, and I forget how much I enjoy it! I definitely will have to do more, and for myself. Im learning the importance of finding/making time for yourself. It becomes easy to lose yourself with so much stress and stuff going on, but if you dont take time to take care of yourself then only bad things will happen. Trust me!

So yeah, tomorrow I have my LAST class of Undergrad ever! how sad and yet so exciting. It hasnt quite hit me yet, but Im sure it will soon. Then Friday I have to go to stupid driving school, and then I get to go on to Chattown and start painting and getting my apartment ready to move into! Then hopefully somewhere in there I will finish my two research papers. Ive started them both, but now I just gotta finish them.. haha. Otherwise I really dont graduate! Then monday I have one exam and tuesday i have two then Im done! Katie Mitch and Jacey will be in town this coming week and so they are going to help me move the red couch into my new apartment and maybe some of my other furniture. Then Thursday I have graduation rehearsal, and SATURDAY IS GRADUATION!!!!!!! How exciting and so scary! I just cannot believe it.

Life holds some very exciting and challenging times ahead, I just pray I keep God close to me and never lose sight of Him and my goals. If only there were words for all the emotions and general junk going on in my head!

Update

Ok so It has definitely been a long time since I last blogged! whoops! haha

So first of all my internship this summer working with Youth Villages was one of the most amazing experiences Ive had! I worked at a girls group home and I learned so much! I just cannot even put into words how greatly it impacted me. I went into the internship thinking ok here is my chance to really see if this is the right field for me to be in. Can I handle it? Can I still have a life? Can I keep it from taking over my life? YES! I can. Or at least I did this summer. Yes is was stressful at times, and hard, and many times is didnt wanna go to work, but once I was there it was good. Those girls are so great even when they doing what you told them not too, or are arguing, or just being annoying, they are good girls. And I am thankful to have met each and everyone of them! I look forward to finding a job now that I know a can and am good at this! I love peope and helping them!

So now school is officially starting today. I am pretty excited. It will be good to be in a routine and learning beneficial things again! This is officially my last semester, and as long as I stay on task I will be graduating Lord willing Dec 13! So everyone save the date! This will prove to be a pretty busy semester. I am in the process of appying to Grad schools and then come October I will be appyling for jobs and sending out my resume! Woo! I cannot believe this is my last semester. I dont feel old enough! Where did the time go?! UGH! It just flies by! But so goes life! Just gotta make the most of everyday! So here is my schedule:

MW
1:25-2:20 Parenting and Child Guidance
2:30-3:50 German Culture and Society(stupid humanities!)
4:00-6:50 Families: Normative/Catastrophic Issues(only meets once a week)

TR
1:30-2:50 Intro-Therapeutic Techniques (so excited about this class!)
3:00-4:20 Speech (bleh yes Im a senior and just now taking this class haha)

Then I have a Culminating Project combining my two concentrations that meets mainly online. Not sure when I present or how that all works yet!

So yeah.. Looks like it will be a good semester! Im excited to see what God has in store for me. I know that it is only with Him that I can do all these things! Im so thankful for that.

Well, now I must go get ready for my first class. Hope everyone has a great week!

Goal

So my goals for the summer are as follows:

-Pray daily
-Read my Bible daily
-Work to always improve my relationship with God and others
-Improve my faith
-Trust that things will work out for the best no matter what happens
-Be brave
-Not be afraid to say the things on my heart
-Be open
-Encourage those around me
-Workout everyday
-Work hard at my job
-Be a good example
-Manage my time well
-Make As in my summer classes
-Budget and save my money
-Not worry about things I cannot control
-Have fun
-Relax
-Remember to take life one day at a time

I know this summer will not be an easy due to certain factors, but I have to trust that in the end it will all be worth it because God is in ontrol and He's taking care of me.

patience is a virture?

Right ok so... patience is something everyone wishes they had more of. I definitely have asked for more patience more times than i can remember. And I think I have been given a true test of patience and most definitely a test of trust and faith.

We all expect things to happen when we want them on our time schedule. But thats not reality. Learning to trust and have patience is hard and for someone like me who tends to be a bit impatient at times its a nightmare. haha Something I have prayed for, for a long time has come into my life. Or at least I think it has. I dont know for sure. I have faith that it definitely could be. And now that its somewhat here I want it all completely and now. But no, I must continue to trust and wait. Honestly it not as gruesome as I am making it out to be, but it is not easy. For one, I have no idea what im doin. I know that waiting is for the best, probably because of that reason. I dont know what im doing nor do i have any experience to back it up. I might lose my head and thats not a good.

God has a plan I am sure of it. And I thankful it is in my best interest. I like the quote... the Will of God will never lead you where the Grace of God will not follow you. Makes sense. I am very blessed and thankfule to God for taking care of me and knowing whats best because I know i sure dont. Even tho I think i do and I sure do fight Him on it sometimes, but I do my best to remember that He is in control and if I would only step back and let Him lead me, I wouldnt have to worry. Life wont necessarily be easier, but I would have a peace that would surpass anything unpleasant.

So many thoughts I am unable to express. uggh if only i knew how to put them into words. Luckily God knows. and I guess thats what is most important anyways.

Two more days and then i have my first orientation for my first real summer job. kinda scary but Kendra will be with me and I am so thankful for that! June 2 is when I officially start and so does my summer classes. im in for a looooooong summer. But i have some cool people in my life to help make it more fun! Remember keep praying!

ok so..

Ok so, honestly if i plan on anything it never happens. This in itself is not a bad thing, just something i have to remember so i dont get soo attached. So i was supposed to be living in this house and what not. Even cleaned it, moved in and was getting it ready for my other roommate. Well needless to say the family changed their minds last minute and now we must move. haha I cant help but laugh. So im looking for a new place, but im not worried about finding one so it will be ok.

hmm.. lets see. In a week I will leaving for memphis for orientation for my internship this summer. Im excited and nervous. It will be a true learning experience. But luckily my friend Kendra will be there with me.

So anyway, I feel as though my faith is being tested these days. What with the house and with people i am coming into contact with recently. I know in my heart that everything will work out whether i realize it or not. I feel as though it is time to open up and just see what happens. I mean I wont know anything unless i try. Its just hard to think that it wont be mutual, but what I have to remember is God is in control and His plan is perfect. He knows whats best and I honestly want to do His will. I just pray he be in His will for me. So yeah.. God is in control.

Well, I take the GRE tomorrow. Kinda scary! But it will be ok. If I need to take it over I at least have time so all is well!

Anyway.. im off to workout, clean, and eat. Keep on praying!

communication

Communication is an interesting thing dont you think... some people are rather good at communicating whether it be feelings or facts they have it down. While others had one or the other. And then some dont have any at all.

Communication is how we connect with people whether its verbal or non verbal. Communication is how we develop and form relationships with others. And since we are made to be a relational species dont you think that communication is highly valuable???

So why is it, that we focus less on our ability to communicate with others properly. Why is is that so many issues come down to the lack or inability to communicate and sadly with those we are closest to.

Maybe we all need to sit back and take a good look in the mirror and tell ourselves what is really going through our minds so we know how to say it to others. Plus if you cannot communicate with people ten inches from you how can you expect to properly communicate with God... just a thought.

changes

Things in my life are changing, rather rapidly in fact.

To name a few:
1. I will graduate December 13, 2008, Lord willing.
a. Which involves taking the Senior Exit Exam, applying for Graduation, and finishing my Senior Cummulative Project.
2. I will be moving into the Champ's house.
3. Working at my first real job as an intern this summer at Youth Villages.
4. I will be taking the GRE.
5. Applying for jobs.
6. Figuring out where I want to live.
7. Figuring out how to work in another confusing factor into the ever changing equation.

I am still in awe that I can seriously graduate in Dec of 2008. I never dreamed that was possible. Though all these things may be minor to you, they have been on my mind, and frankly I have been unable to even process them. When big decisions need to be made, while I usually tend to go with my gut instincts, that does not keep me from serious processing. I don't wanna rush into anything. I want to make sure that the conclusion I come to is in alignment with God's will for me. Sometimes this is a very hard thing to do/know. I finally feel comfortable with graduating early. Though I have NO IDEA what is going to happen from now until then, I am at peace. I know that as long as I stay close to God and continue to seek Him, He will not leave me, and His Spirit will lead me in the direction He knows is best. I just pray I don't fight Him too much, on any matter even if it hurts. He luckily can see the whole picture whereas I can only see so far in front of my face. There are so many things to think about and really worry about, but really I cannot do anything about them now. The only thing I can do is continue on like am, doing the best I can, and taking it all one day at a time. So if you ask me what my plans are, honestly, I don't know. I know that I have goals and hopes of what I want and where I want to be, but truly God will be the judge of all of that, and I will continue to trust/pray and have peace/hope/faith in Him who knows what is best for me and my life. I pray that I will be able to share this all with someone special someday.

So many things to think about, but I won't. That only makes me worry and doubt. Changes are happening around me, to me, and I will go along with the flow holding true to myself and my faith. My Psych. teachers always say, "Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." So true!

Anyway, I am not sure as to the purpose of this post, but to let everyone(really just my fam since you guys are the only ones that read it!) know what's new in my life. Keep praying, interceding for one another is very important! What's new with everyone else?

drama drama drama

I am sick of drama! Why cant we all just get along? haha if only! The simplest of things always seem to get turned into huge ordeals and I dont know how! oh well..

So the Willow retreat is this weekend and it will prove to be an interesting one to say the least! Luckily I will leaving for part of the day Sat. to go canoeing with the GW group from home and Im so excited about that. Partially because I havent seen or hung out with my parents in a long time. I just feel like I should be there and I really want to be there. I need a break from my life sometimes too! So yeah anyway, maybe I can get someone else to go as well! =)

All in all im sure it will turn out fine, just the days leading up to it all just dont seem worth it and makes me dread the whole thing. But I have faith that it will work out! Should be a busy weekend luckily i dont have a really rough week next week!

Oh and I get to move into the Champ's house(the house where we have all our group activities) in May which I am totally excited about! Its a house rooms are huge, full kitchen, cheap rent. It looks like an old persons house but maybe we can fix that up! =)

Anyway, life is going pretty good overall.... Im so thankful for that! God bless!

stress

this is the most stressful week i have had this semester....

ugh! i have so much to do everyday there just arent enough hours in the day!

also i found out i can graduate early as in this coming December 08 SCARY!

lots of thinking to do!

back again

So Spring Break was awesome! I got to spend time with my sister, bro-in-law, and my niece. She is so cute with a little bubbly personality. Overall it was a good week. Coming back was an ordeal tho! My flight was canceled, so i bought new tickets with a different airline, that one was delayed, then i had to change flights twice, then finally i left amarillo! haha I got a hotel in dallas because by this point i had missed every flight to nashville anywhere! I even got picked up in a limo to go to the airport the next morning. Not sure how I that happened but all I could think was its about time some good happened! lol It really wasnt all that bad. It was a learning experience for sure, and frankly I never once felt alone or scared. I know God was with me every min.

The only down-side to it all was I had to wait an hour outside for the courtesy van from the hotel to pick me up, and i was already starting to feel kinda yucky, and well that cold air did it. I have been sick ever since. When I woke up Monday morning and i couldnt hear out of either ear i knew it was time to go to the doctor. So i went to the infirmiry on campus after class and the dr there said yep you have a double ear infection and bad cold and cough. Great! haha He also went on to say, you did this same thing last year didnt you. I was like ummm haha yeah. Only after spring break last year i had a double outer ear infection which is by far worse than what i have now! He prescribed i not go anywhere for spring break anymore! I agree! lol I am just now starting to feel better. I cant hear too well still and the coughing is driving me insane but im making it!

Well, its friday and I have no idea what im doing today. Definitely going to clean, because since i have been sick i havent felt like doing anything, and so everything is everywhere! It is also driving me insane! So yeah, then I have Brownie Half day with OPA tomorrow morning, and then we will just see what happens after that! =)

Well there are officially 6 and 1/2 weeks left of school. aka my Junior year, and then I will be a SENIOR!!!!! wooo! Thats so exciting to say and yet soooooooo scary! But I know everything will work out because God is in control and i have given everything to Him. Thank goodness for that! I dont guess i haven anything else intelligent to say, so yeah hope everyone has a great weekend!

guess what

God is good all the time! =)


and I will tell you why.....

Its been snowing since last night, my test got canceled, my classes were canceled, and my prayers were answered yesterday. My family and friends are amazing. School is going well. I have food in the kitchen. A heater that works along with a car with heat and four-wheel drive that works. Money to pay bills and eat out with friends(tho I really need to cut back). The ability to do a hard core workout and not keel over and die. The ability to draw and even be sought out for it. Plenty of clothes. A Bible at arms reach, and the freedom to choose any Congregation to worship with and become a part of. How awesome is that, and these things are not even half of what I have been given.

The next time I think about complaining or thinking anything negative I will have to look back at this and remind myself, why.. what are you doing/thinking!?

GOD is GOOD all the time! Thank you Lord!

soo..

Well, only a few more days until spring break! WOO! I am so excited! Im gonna look like a bag lady with all the stuff I am going to bring! lol but thats ok! Just hope i dont get stopped by security when i bring alllll my xbox stuff! =D

So its a rainy dreary day. I like days like this every now and then. Kinda puts me into an introspective mood. Sometimes thats a good thing and sometimes not! haha. I have taken my sweet time doing everything this morning. I just now got out of the shower in fact and still have yet to dry my hair. I just get tired of being on the go allll the time!

One thing I have discovered is that I have definitely grown over the past 4 weeks. I am not even the same person, especially spiritually, since i the semester started. Its amazing how that works. I have definitely learned that my thoughts become my downfall. My mind has always been overactive and I tend to think/work through things good and bad all the time. Or day dream all day. This leads me to have thoughts of doubt, self-pity, worry, and unrealisitic thoughts which then i draw incorrect conclusions from. I am no fully aware of this problem of mine, and it is a constant battle. I am an optimist and a dreamer to the fullest extent, i think because the doubts and the fears and the disappointments are weighing so heavily in my mind. Its like Im trying to compensate for it sometimes. I dunno.. something interesting to think about... or maybe just to me since I enjoy studying the mind and how it works. One thing I do know is that i am persistent with things I want. I dont give up so easily... I have been prayerful about a certain situation for awhile now, and just when I think maybe I have my answer something happens and I dont. I need to stop thinking, keep on praying, and just trust that whatever happens will be for the best, and my answer may not come for a long time. I know all this but how hard is it to convince my mind... hard!

Im not sure what the point of writing all that out was.. haha but I do know that I have peace about life. I know that God is there for me and my family and friends. All I have to do is do His will and keep Him number one on my relationship list and He will provide. Maybe not in the way I hope, but it will be for a reason and usually a better one!

So yeah, tonight we have several volleyball games, which should be interesting since we havent practiced. lol Luckily I wont be playing unless i absolutely have to. Should be fun! I hope the night turns out to be a good one! =D

Anyway I guess thats all the rambling I have for now!

Update..

Hmmm... not much is new these days...

One week until spring break and I am very excited! Although I like a good trip to the beach I will be flying all by myself( for the first time ever) to Texas!!! I am pretty excited, I dont think I have ever hung out with my sister and bro-in-love without my parents ever. I know that it may sound selfish, but I just want some quality sibling time for once! So Im excited, and cant wait to see Jacey either!

So I cooked two batches of lasagna and two chocolate chip cheesecakes last night. It was fun cooking for people! Though I discovered something.... I think my sense of smell is getting worse, because as I was cutting up a fresh garlic, I couldnt smell it at all. lol My eyes were burning tho, so at least one of my senses could detect a strong smell! Oh well.. I just found it interesting.

So yeah, i guess some of my friends and i are gonna go bowling tonight. If we can get it together. haha we can be so unorganized. I also have on more day left in my daily devotional book on prayer.. kinda sad I really enjoyed it. But no worries I have another one by the same author called Lord teach me to study the Bible. So i think that one will be just as good. I cant wait to see what i learn in it!

Well, nothing else exciting to say, I have to write a paper and take a shower before class.. Have a great weekend everyone!

Prayful Mind

So, things are going great! I cannot really complain about anything these days, yet i still find that i do! But I guess Im human. School is good, my church group is great, my friends are great, life is just truly going well. I have officially changed my major now to Interdisciplinary Studies concentrating on Psychology and Child Development and Family Relations. I must admit I enjoy my Psych classes a lot more than the CDFR classes but thats ok. Im getting all new perspectives and learning more about the school systems which if I want to persue the School counselor liscensure then I will have to know it eventually I guess. Im also beginning to lean more towards the Grad programs at MTSU for school counseling. We will just see though, I dont wanna make too many plans because I want to make sure its what God wants me to do.

Speaking of, for Christmas this year I received a daily devotional book called Lord Teach Me to Pray, and I must say I will recommend this book to anyone!!! It has already done wonders for me just in the last two weeks. I feel as though I finally understand the importance of taking time to read my Bible on my own. Growing up in the Church and at a Church of Christ school Bible reading was school work just like any other book. I know all the stories forwards and backwards because I had to be tested on it. I felt like I knew the Bible and that praying daily would be suffice. I think I knew deep down I should read the Bible, but growing up the way I did (not that it is an excuse) just kinda made me feel I didnt need it and that there wasnt anything interesting left to read about. I guess I just thought of it has another text book and I hate reading texts books!

So anyway, this devotional book makes you get into the Word and study and it picks apart prayer and gives verses of prayers throughout the Bible and how others prayed. It is very interesting! One point the author made I found insightful was that in looking at the Lord's prayer she has broken down each sentence and has made the point that this is a model prayer. The first line Our Father in Heaven hallowed be Your name shows us that first of all that God is OUR father and prayer then begins with worship to Him. Your Kingdom Come is our allegience to Him. Now when the author discussed this I couldnt help of think of certain friends that honestly do not pledge their allegience to God. Many times people acknowledge God and worship Him like they should but in their daily lives they may cuss, or be overly concerned with their school work, or getting ahead in their jobs, even putting their family or leisure activities first. Little things that may not be sins, but are not in alignment with God and His Kingdom. Why? Why cuss? Why have one drink? Why go to that party where inappropriate things are happening? Why? I used to say all the time I should study my Bible more... what I was really saying is but I have better things to do! Not anymore I dont!

Another point the author made was about effective prayer. The Lord's prayer isnt something to memorize and repeat over and over again. Jesus says, Pray, then, in this way. He also said When you are praying do not use meaningless repition. So then it is clear that Jesus did not want us to recite something or pray simply from memory. It is so much more than that. This got me thinking, what about the songs we sing. Many of them are repitious. The author makes a point about our lack of Biblical knowledge even in our songs. How many of them are one idea repeated over and over without a strong Biblical substance. She states that in the early days the idol worshipers worked themselves into excited frenzies repeating phrases of worship to their gods. But she says that with the children of God you find them rehearsing the character of God and His ways instead of repeating things. Also she says this, "Our worship should be founded - rooted, grounded - in truth, not emotion. Worship should not be based on the fervency of our words or the loudness of our voice, but on the faithfulness of our God. Emotion is natural, but genuine emotion follows truth!" I just found all this interesting. I totally agree with her. She references a young man Isaac Watts and his song Behold the Glories of the Lamb whcih he wrote when he was 19 years old because he was dissatisfied with the dismal singing. The words are good.

I have known some of these things deep down, but presented in this way takes on a whole new meaning. The author is appling them to life, asking questions about each idea, and using verses to back up her every word. Its all very intersting, I wish everyone I know would read this devotional book!!!!! I know it will open everyone's eyes to something!

Well, I guess I have written a WHOLE LOT! haha I guess some of these new ideas about prayer are on my mind and I just wanna share them, but maybe I should just buy the book for everyone I know. Well, it is a lazy saturday and I dont have plans until this evening which is so nice! I needed a day just to myself to get everything in order for the week to come.

long time

So it has been awhile since i have written!

So, christmas break was good. Im glad to be back at school, hanging out with my friends, and in a routine. So this past wednesday I finally got my braces off! YAY! im so excited they are off!

Well, we are going on a church retreat with Jefferson ave this weekend to gatlinburg. It should be fun! Kendra and I have really gotten even closer this semester and I LOVE IT! she is definitly one of my best friends! We also both got an internship at youth villages in nashville so she will be living with me and I am so excited about that too! We will have so much fun!

Anyway, im off to finish my laundry!